i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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