Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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