I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize