We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The air taste purple.
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