My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
