do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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