Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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