well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize