just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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