I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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