Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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