I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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