It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
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Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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