how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
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The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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