I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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