i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
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she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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