every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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