If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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