So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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