i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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