sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I just shit out all my problems.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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