At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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