put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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