don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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