He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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