youre lurking in front of me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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