just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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