Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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