we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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