The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
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Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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