dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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