Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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