she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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