he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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