I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize