that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
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The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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