good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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