He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize