also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
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I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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