Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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