you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize