Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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