Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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