i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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