He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
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You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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