One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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