I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So. Much. Porn.
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