Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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