Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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