so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
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Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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