I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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