the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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